and they all lived happily ever after

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Hi friends! How are you all? Anything new? Nothing? Meh, everything's the same over here, too... Oh wait... there is one thing. I totally just remembered. I mean, it's not a big deal or anything. Nothing to freak out about or anything. It's only that, you know...

I'M DONE HIGH SCHOOL 43V3R, SUCKERZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!! (Mature non-high school student right here!)

So yeah. That's all. And how are you? *Now, imagine us talking in a relaxed pace. We'd exchange stories back and forth, sharing little anecdotes and giggles along the way. People would look at us with a knowing smile and nod in approval, silently thinking, "Ohhh, friendship."* (But since this Blog Post is currently a one-way street (hah, suckers) you just get me rambling about. This is a warning.)

So, yes. I officially graduated on Friday. We had a solid ceremony. We got to wear big, black gowns (BUT NO FLAT HATS, WHAT IS THIS?!) (another reason why my high school experience felt nothing like the movies, wah!). It was hot. Very hot. I think I was sweating. Yup. Despite my shiny face and soaking wet hair (kidding. kind of.), it was an awesome way to end the year/ years/ HIGH SCHOOL. I actually ended up winning a handful awards, which was funny: Geography Award, Visual Art Award, Spirit Award and Head of School Award. I got some books and a cool plaque out of it, so I guess I feel nice and legit and what not.

I think I'm most excited about getting the Spirit Award because I allegedly "spread positive energy in the school" or some equally awkward description like that. I entered high school as a totally shy human being. Like, I have no recollections of interacting with anyone outside of my grade. Ever. (Oh, except for there was a grade 12 who tried to ask me to prom. It's actually a really long/ hilarious story that I've generally mentally blocked and won't go into. It involved slide shows with his face photoshopped onto my Facebook pictures. And lots of flowers...) I don't think I talked to boys, either. Or girls, really. Bahahha. Now? I've had a totally rad senior year. I mean, you know, for someone who's socially awkward at heart, I think I've done well. I've chatted with a lot of people and I feel happy that I've at least I've had conversations with people I'll probably never see or talk to again. Plus, I've totally lost my dignity legitimately rapping in front of the school for an Arts' night promo (LHIZZLE WASSUP), so I'm obviously a social queen or whatever. I think this growth is symbolic of just that: growth. I like it.

My friend put it best when she said, "I'm scared I'm going miss all this." Pumped with the adrenaline of graduation, I confusedly responded, "This?" Then, I realized she meant this. This - the people I've surprisingly grown close to and, hey, might even miss! I'm scared that relationships I've forged over 4+ years will soon deteriorate to, "Happy birthday! Miss you!" on Facebook. From eruptions of laughter at lunchtimes to annual virtual happy birthdays? It seems plausible and that, too, scares me.

But, I've realized that I can't live life in fear. And I don't want to live in the past. Gosh, despite the hundreds of exclamation marks I've attached to sentences in these past weeks regarding FINISHING HIGH SCHOOL!!11!!1!!, there are parts of it that I certainly will miss. However, I've made the conscious decision to not perceive it as such. It isn't about the end of an experience. It's about the start of a new experience. (Aw, cheeseballs!)
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As for a new experience, this begs the golden question: What will I be doing next year? This is the question that has been on everyone's mind, blasted on covers of tabloids, and even featured on ET! yesterday. Jokes. I think I've had about three people virtually ask me about this, which is a refreshing change of pace from the continuous, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?" that I've been with inundated with in real life over the past few weeks. To which I've responded awkward variations of, "I've decided to defer from Parsons the New School of Design to take a year off to work for a few months and then travel/ work/ volunteer abroad for a few months." Oh, hey! That came out fast!


More of my life story? Throughout the entirety of high school, New York City + Fashion was (and still is) the ultimate dream. I would sit in the corners of classes, staring out the window, awkwardly feeling alone, thinking to myself, "I can do it. I'll show them." (I actually found my Careers "portfolio" from grade 10. It's shocking and amazing how things don't change over the years. Same dream...) The years whipped by faster and faster. Soon, it was Senior Year. My Senior Year!

This year has been a whirlwind. In retrospect, I have no idea how I did so much. (With the exception of third term. I bummed around while Science students were up to their noses with culminating labs and stuff. I only felt a little bad.) I was basically working on four very different portfolios with little overlap (SERIOUSLY), along with practicing on an intense field hockey schedule, creating costumes for the school play, working on student council initiatives, maintaining a 92% average and a bunch of other random things that my keen self actually enjoys doing. PHEWWW. (Seriously. Now you guys know how keen/ nerdy I am. I really had an awesome senior year. Albeit exhausting, I love the feeling of busy-ness and accomplishments.)

I think that most seniors would agree that there's this null between final marks (or, in my case, portfolios being sent in), when you 1) have zero motivation to do any work and 2) are waiting in desperate anticipation for that letter (or email - hollla, modern day technology!) to arrive deciding your fate. It was awful/ I was in denial. I finally got them and, yay, got into all my programs! Awesome feeling.
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^ we jump in our school's pond when we graduate. it's thrilling. swimming in the pond was legitimately the only thing about gym that i enjoyed. (before i quit it. in grade 10. the earliest year you can quit gym. hated it!)

For the longest time (i.e. all of high school), I had a vision. Graduation. Then BAM! New York City! Fashion Design! Time to make dreams come true! In fact, getting the acceptance was a dream come true in itself. However, to my surprise, there was this new, unanticipated complication. After coming home from Nepal, I had an inkling: I should take the year off. In fact, I remember thinking to myself, while trekking up the gorgeous Himalayas, "Lexy. If you get into Parsons, take the year off. Do it. It's the right thing. I know you'll really want to pursue your life long dream and you'll be uber excited and what not, but this feels right. It feels right."

And then it happened! I got into Parsons! Literally the most exciting feelings ever! I'm probably one of the most easily-excited people EVER (literally, my sister gets so embarrassed; it's hysterical), so you can just imagined all that AMPLIFIED. It was amazing. I couldn't wait. A DREAM COME TRUE. Seriously.

But there was that gut feeling. That feeling turned into a lot of humming and hawing. Should I take the year off? A lot of different opinions were given to me, a lot of pros and cons charts were written by me. In the end, I went with my gut: taking the year off. Deferment form set. Dream isn't over - just diverted for a year.

So I sit here (well, actually, I'm lying on my bed, but that's besides the point) - a newly graduated high school student with a whole year, future ahead of me. It's a little daunting. Besides the knowledge that I'll spend the next year making money and then using it to travel (my other passion, along with fashion, of course), I have NO IDEA what's in store. I keep on telling people that I want to go to a french speaking country in Africa for a few months, but nothing's even remotely close to being set in stone.

Oh, Lexy. What will happen in the next year? What will you do? Who will you become?

A lot of my friends are pursuing their interests in relatively local universities, which I think is fantastic. But it's not for me. I've considered studying, say, psychology at a university an hour or two away. But that path? It's just not me. All along, I knew I would have to pursue my NYC + Fashion dream because that's what it is: a DREAM. And dreams are so beautiful because they keep you going. And even more so, they can become REALITY.

But then, a new dream came into play. A gut feeling. Something I couldn't ignore. So I'm going for it. I'm taking the year off. In a keen school, this is essentially unheard of. But still. It feels right, it feels like it's what I need to do. This isn't to say that I'm not going to pursue Fashion in NYC. It's to say that I'm putting it on hold to go with my gut. Because, for me, that's what's important. Being authentic. Being a dreamer. Maybe a little crazy, a little unconventional, a little unheard of... It's okay. For me, I crave FULL EXPERIENCES. I want to live honest to my heart. I want to live 100%. I'm so against mediocrity, it's both a strength and a crutch.
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I guess the moral of the story is if you see me on the streets of NYC as a starving artist in debt from traveling, please remember I used to be really lively, young dreamer and maybe give me a dollar or a Happy Meal or something. Kidding (kind of).

I guess the moral of the story is BE AUTHENTIC. Follow your heart. Do what your gut tells you, even if society tells you it's "unstable" or it's "unconventional." Hell, that's even better - prove 'em wrong! Life is so short. I know that there's probably "smarter" or "steadier" options ahead. But hey. I don't want to be smart or steady or normal or safe or mediocre. I don't want to live thinking, "If only I did this..."

Seriously. Please, please, pleaseeee. I beg you. Live your life true to who YOU are and what YOU want. I've seen people push away their dreams because it feels "impossible," or they conform to mediocrity because it's "safe" or it's what their parents want or whatever. For me, I don't see it any other way. If there's something you love and something you want, why not go for it? It seems so simple: do what your heart wants. Be HAPPY.

Yes, I know that I'm freaking young and naive. Yes, I see those stares of, "Oh? You're not going to school?" or "Oh? You want to go into... fashion?" (this is coupled with a fake smile and eyes that read, "You're a failure!"). YES. I know that the future is unclear and life is complicated and I'm overly optimistic and blah blah blahhh.

But fuck it. I'm young. I'm going to dream. And actually FOLLOW those dreams. And be poor and broke and happy.

Anyways. So yeah... does that answer your question? ;)

(I know I say this for every long ramble I do, but it doesn't make it any less true... if you read all that, YOU'RE A SUPER STAR. I really don't know what power my words have, but hey, I'm being 100% genuine in what I'm saying. #dreamer4ever)

Thoughts? Dreamers out there?


jamee dyches. said...

I LOVE YOU. This is my life story. Well, you know, kind of. I am a journalism major, art minor and I want to work for a fashion magazine in NYC one day. I won't get there for another few years, but when I do let's be poor, starving artists together? Hah. But seriously every time I tell "adults" what I'm doing they do the same thing: "Ohhhhhh...NEAT. Journalism, huh?" Their eyes always saying, "You poor girl, that's a dying field..." but obviously they don't realize that even if print magazines die, they'll be on an iPad or an equivalent and they'll STILL need editors to create the content. ANYWAYS. I sometimes feel like it's impossible to get there, and make it. I'm from Salt Lake City, Utah, and while it's a big city in comparison to the rest of Utah, it's microscopic as far as the NYC fashion scene is concerned. But I keep trying to remind myself that it's worth following my dreams, and I know I will always regret it if I don't try. So it made me happy to read this post, it reaffirmed my dreams. So thanks :)

Jen said...

This is the best story ever!! You graduated high school!! You're following your dreams!! You got into Parsons!!
You know how you said you're high school experience wasn't like the movies? In a way it kinda was, because you're following your dreams!! Isn't that what happens in High School Musical? Something like that? Eh, I don't know.
I will definitely take your advice. My parents (and everybody I know) are all like "no way Jose can you be a war correspondent..." but I'LL PROVE THEM ALL WRONG!!! MOO HAHAHAH!!!
Thank you for the inspiration, and good luck!!! In a couple years you'll be dominating the NYC fashion secne!! I'm just glad to say I cyber-knew you!!

Hello Naka said...

i love the fact u jumped into the pond fully clothes and swam XD and I'm really proud to know you, you really deserved the award! You're really postive! I hope you stay that way and good luck for the future!
I'm really happy for you :) and yeah stay true to yourself, best advice ever :)

K. said...

I like your attitude! The "screw this, imma gonna go my way!" thingy! I actually find you very inspiring and you know what... it's true - it's better to be poor and broke and HAPPY than stinky rich and miserable with your life. I'd actually like to study journalism or ... it's a weird choice I guess... Chinese business, Culture & Language (in Denmark where it's totally free!). Idk yet, in Europe we just start sending out our documents, so the future is unclear yet... but my examresults were great, so I'm not really worried. Anyways, my graduation is tomorrow, too bad we don't have a pond here, otherwise I'd jump in too! Looks so fun!

Bonnie said...

You look absolutely gorgeous in your pictures. I am sososososo happy for you and your graduation. That is such a huge accomplishment. I couldn't wait to graduate, and I was so ready to begin college.
My best advice -- ALWAYS follow your dream. Never give up your dreams for anyone because I guarantee that nobody is worth it. :) <3

Twitter: @GlamKitten88

SAM said...

Great pictures, congrats on finishing high school!


sacramento said...

Congratulations, my friend. First time I see you not wearing colours.

Roma said...

YOUR GOING TO PARSONS OMG! Congrats! I am so jealous. I wish i was old enough to graduate high school. I am also jealous that you have a pond at your school.

Anonymous said...

This is such a great story! You began to realize your dream when you were young, and kept it strong for years. You worked super hard, got great grades and won award after award, and you were accepted into Parsons. However, your dream still in your head, you decided to follow your heart instead of the current, and I admire you for that. You are AMAZING, Lexy! Congrats on getting those 13 years of grade school out of the way! The part I love the most is that you've recorded it all onto this blog, so I feel like I'm growing with you whenever I read a new post- every one of your readers has slowly watched you achieve your dreams. And you're not even done yet, which just gives you more to look forward to and us more to read! I'm just an anonymous 13-year-old with a virtually unknown fashion blog who sits inside all day in Docs and blazers, waiting to someday make friends and go to RISD and follow my dreams, and I feel like your story, though short, is inspiring enough to help me achieve my goal of going into fashion someday. Not many people seem to follow their dreams anymore- my peers all seem to "want to" become doctors and lawyers and get married and live in the suburbs- and you're proving to the world that there are some dreamers left. So thank you.

Ruby <3

Sarah said...

Many, many congratulations are in order for you. Looks like you blew the top off your school as a final farewell. (: Also, it seems like you know what you want, which is half the battle, and are willing to listen to your heart and be a little sensible at the same time. I have no doubt that down the line we'll be seeing great things from you. Getting in to Parson's is a HUGE first step, whether you start this year or next. That's so incredible.

I'm sorry you never got the flat hat. I have one with silly string stains on top from my graduation. I wonder what color my robe will be next year from university... hmm. Anyway, enough about me. Congratulations once more! You're FREE to... be an adult.

olivias-pizzaz said...

I seriously enjoyed reading this! Like woow you got into parsons that is awesome!!! But yes if you dnt feel ready then yes you should defs take a year off! I knoow lots of people who have taken a year off and said it was the best decision! You learn a lot and grow as a person especially if you are travelling! and exactlly you are still young so you can just go back to college next year! You are still young so just do what you want!!

Ali said...

this is the best decision ever! basically because it's exactly what I did (take a year off, work, travel, move to big city, study fashion). YAY!
also one of my old teachers is teaching at parsons now so when you get there (eventually) you have to be like 'I know Ali from UTS' and he'll be like 'who?' cause he's a bit spacey. then he'll ask how you know me and you'll have to admit you'll have a blog and he'll laugh at you but that's ok because he has one too! my last blog post is basically about him so go read it! (oooh, check me out segue-ing smoothly into 'read my blog now')

Violet said...

Congrats on graduating and may i saw this is as simple as i seen you dress ever!!! lol

i will definitely come back and read all of this lol

Vi from Cali

Eli said...

So happy for you. Congratulations. College will always be there for you, the freedom to do what you want will flee if you dont take it - later on crazy adult responsibilities will set in and there will be no time! You'll see how fast the year goes!

Marisa Noelle said...

Congrats darling! What an amazing time...you are seriously going towards it with the best attitude...very inspiring. You definitely have it down..be authentic - imitation is suicide. Going after your dreams keeps you young at heart always. You are amazing and gorgeous!

twoteensadventurers said...

I really enjoyed this because i just graduated from 8th grade ( which is a much smaller scale but a step non the less) It really made me reflect and think about things, which is what good writing should do so thanks

Isabel Spectre said...

Yes!! Follow your dreams!! Especially while you are able! It is awesome that you can basically do whatever you want now! Congrats on that, it is a BIG change!!
You look so cute, I love your uniform.. :D

Natalie Leung said...

wow you're so cute! love your blog. congratulations.

i will follow you now :)


SunnyToast said...

Congratulations and you never fail to put colors. I love the ring and your nail polish:)

Your right follow your dream....In this life we don't get pay much but the experience are all worth it!


kumar said...

great congrats

enjoy the moment
looks it time for party

Lyosha said...

Following dreams is so right! I'm totally agree with you!
Congradulations with graduation!

Inside and Outside blog

Catwalk Criminal said...

i'd love to be done with high school, but still two more years to go ;(

jess said...

Congrats on graduating. I decided to take a year off too. I can't wait to see what you do with your year.

20thCgirl said...

WOW. You are so right - I spent far too long doing what my parents wanted me to do at university (yeah I know I look about twelve - I'm older than you think :P) but it made me miserable and ill. Now I'm finally going to study what I want to do in a city I love - I'm so glad that you have the guts to do what I should have done in the beginning - FOLLOW YOUR HEART.

Man those Disney films were RIGHT.

lasophia said...

Congrats girl! Sounds like you have some big things ahead of you! And a pond at your school? Looks fun to swim in with clothes on haha.


Erin Girard said...

1. I monkeyed with all of the HTML nonsense in Blogger to get my layout to look the way it does. Lots of hours and lots of cursing. Not fun. It will likely look like this until I die because I'm never embarking on another project like that again.

2. I wish I would've had the balls to wear the clothes that you do in high school! My idea of getting crazy was wearing a green sweater over a t-shirt with a yellow star. And the sweater had LACE. Fashion!

3. PARSONS! Holy $%$@! From someone who went to school in a very small town in Indiana - you will be SO happy that you decided to go somewhere where you'll be surrounded with interesting people with all kinds of different ideas. If I see one more North Face fleece or sorority sweatshirt I swear I'm going to freak out. Aaand, you'll get there eventually - no need to rush it! Love your life plan! :)

Anonymous said...

Congratulation on your graduation darling :)
No, you're right.
We should follow our dream
I remember when I was watching the Indian movie about dream, passion, and future job. A Three Idiots movie. I learn a lot from it. We should find our passion and interest first, then we can move on and keep up!
Have a pleasant day for you :)

*hug* from your new follower

♥ sugarpuff ♥
Pinkie Anggia ☺

Louise said...

Congrats on finishing high school! :D :D :D I am so glad for you!

You are really awesome, and please keep following and persecuting your dreams.

Mine got smashed recently and I really don't know what to think or dream anymore.

Nieke said...

Congrats on finishing your high school! :D It's so amazing to finally start a new path. (in my opinion) PLUS it's super important to dream. I'm currently in my 2nd year of college (studying Communication & Media Design which is EPIC) But it's good to consider what you really want and in your case that's taking a year off! I know you're gonna go where you want and keep you bests up cause you're DEFINITELY going to make it. Keep on dreaming girl! I'll do the same.


FashionJazz said...

First of all congrats on graduating from High School babe!
2nd I think its amazing what you are doing and I say follow your heart and pursue your dreams, I know u will make a huge success of it! Big hugs xx

Dear Girl Wallflower said...

Congratulations on your graduation girl!! I bet you had taken a deep breath and the excitement was a long wait! I was also a very shy girl even until college, and until I worked, I lost it only when I got married, so, how's that compared to you? haha! anyway, I will keep chasing my dream, even i thought that NY is quite impossible...? Your awards are the best memories!Loved the colorful accessories, it says " Im so happy!"?

Savannah Burton said...

this post was SO inspirational! Agreed. You only have one chance at life, you have to live it to it's fullest. (I as well am full of cliches)

Sherrie Cola said...

Congratulations :)

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