i wish i had a mango tree in my backyard

My approach to rainy and down days? Aw, well thanks for asking. It really is a rather basic remedy: WEAR BRIGHT COLOURS. And patterns. And basically pretend it's spring in your head. Seriously. I wish everyone had bright rain jackets and patterned umbrellas. Instead of waiting for the rainbow on rainy days, we could BE the rainbow. AWWWW.

This outfit was composed of lots of patterns and colours and the mentality that it was spring. It reminded me of being a kid and getting excited to whip out my pink and purple rainboots and splash in all the puddles. When did we stop splashing in puddles? And why? I like puddles. (People that know me would fully support the thesis that I never really grew up.)

Also... Hi, my name is Lexy and I’m socially awkward! People? What’s a “people”? (Kidding. I obviously know what people are. I’m socially awkward, not st00pid. REMEMBER?)

Seriously. You know that person who, when you’re around, you just feel… uncomfortable? It recently dawned upon me... I AM TOTALLY THAT PERSON.

Socially awkward situations that I just can’t deal with:
1) Big groups. I just can’t do it. I really can’t. There are a few exceptions. But when people are being all jolly and chatty in a giant group, my mouth refuses to speak. I don’t like big groups. I really don’t. I can’t even imagine being at a proper high school party. With dozens of people in a confined space? Um, no thank you.
2) Strangers. I like the idea of spontaneous conversations with strangers. It’s… charming. But, um, I have to be, like, mentally prepared to meet a new person. Like, “Okay, Lexy. You are meeting someone new. You have to savage your dignity and learn to, you know, converse and talk and stuff. YOU HAVE TO TALK AND STUFF BUT WAIT… STOP SPUTTERING OUT GARBAGE WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU AWKWARD BEING?!”

Consequently, the equation shouldn’t be hard to picture:
Lexy + Strangers + Big Group = HiThereMyNameIsAwkwardIMeanLexyHahhahahahIWillNotSpeakNow.

Anyways, I fully support my hermit lifestyle and I’m okay with just watching people and imagining our interactions rather than, you know, actually interacting with them. That being said, I think it would be beneficiary if I learned to, you know, be less awkward and things.

At one of my favourite parks, there’s always a group of monkeys. And by monkeys, I mean university-students-doing-these-way-cool-balancing-trick-things-on-trees-and-stuff. Picture this: There are several trees. They have seat-belt-esque straps that they connect them with. They spend hours walking on them. All the time. IT’S SO COOL. Obviously, way out of my league.

I decided to suck it up and you know, be a man and be all cool smoooooth (like I am). So biked in that area. And stared at them for, like, ten minutes. (Literally. Sat there on my bike. Staring. Smoooooth, I tell ya!) One of them invited my to try it – it was a lot of fun. I AM A NINJA. Just kidding. I almost literally disjointed the guy’s fingers I was relentlessly clinging onto with all the strength of my life. He was nice about it.

I think that this could have been one of those, “See, Lexy? You’re not really socially awkward” experiences. But it was more like, “Woah, Lexy, you haven’t voluntarily interacted with strangers in so long that you’ve forgotten how awkward you are! Hahaha, sucker.” You know. Baby steps.

(Sweater - Value Village $4, Shirt - Value Village $3, Skirt - Homemade, Scarf - Nepal, Tights - H&M $5, Shoes - Winners, Ring - Gift, Belts- Thrifted $1 Each)

Anyways. I am fully aware of my social awkwardness. My sister, father and myself enjoy sitting in corners of Christmas parties, continuously stuffing our faces with food. This gives the essence of, “Oh hey. It’s not that we don’t want to socialize, but MMM we’re just supporting the chef over here and bonding (with each other. Even though we live in the same household) and stuff.” (Partygoers probably think that we’re freaks.) I also have this problem that, when I’m in big groups (for example, at lunchtime), I’m like, “Damn. Would it be weird if I just, like, sat in the corner and drew a picture of a unicorn?” (“Yes,” often comes to mind. So I just pretend I’m really engrossed in creeping grade 9s.) (I really AM engrossed. They’re actually quite fascinating to watch. I am so ridiculously glad that I’m not in grade 9. Mediocre times, ehhhh.)

Anyways. I am awkward. I’m okay with it. I’m sure it’s one of those things that I have to just “grow into.” (Haha. Sounds like I’m a 13 year old girl receiving my first training bra. Also mediocre times.) But if you have any suggestions as to how to speed up the process, that would be helpful. (Of being less awkward. Not the training bra thing. Just clarifying.) It’s not like I want a billion friends or desire to be with people all the time because, quite frankly, that’s unhealthy. I enjoy being alone.

It’s just that I encounter so many strangers in a day. And it’s like, what if I’m missing out on something? With our laptops in front of us, our phones in our hands, we have these screens. They shield us from existing and interacting with one another. It feels disconnected. It feels like I’m maybe missing out on awesome people. I think we all are. I think people aren't as bad as a lot of us like to make them out to be. I think we all, if we really tried, really could get along. But that’s just a whole other post.

How would you rank yourself on the social scale? Tips for chatting with/ befriending strangers?
(ex. Compliments? Asking for the time? Spilling coffee over them? Pick up lines? Plucking their boogers? SO MANY OPTIONS. All great. Obviously.)
xx

Edit: Just in case you were wondering, I totally just had the most glorious walk in the rain. (Alone. Yeah. 2 kewl.) I discovered a few things: 1) my rainboots are not waterproof, as puddles + wet feet showcased and 2) once you start looking for earth worms to play with, sticks look surprisingly similar to your new favourite creatures. I just thought these observations could redeem me and showcase my utmost coolness. Werrrd.