nibs are yummy

Dearest friends of the world wide web,

In conclusion, I suck. Now that we've moved passed that awkward confrontation of holy-moly-its-the-freaking-last-day-of-the-month-and-i-haven't-posted-in-weeks, we can move on to more productive things. Like clothing attire. OMG EXCITEMENT ENSUES AS IT'S LIKE NOTHING'S EVER CHANGED YEEEHAWWWW GOODTIMEZ.

Evidently, these photos were taken awhile back, as made clear by things like LEAVES. I actually had a mini-heart-attack this morning when I realized it was the end of the month ALREADY. Time is a flyin', we are a livin', things are a happenin', what am i a sayin'?! And speaking of the end of the month and general redundancy, aw shucks, I have to drop another $99 on a December Metropass. (Fun fact: I make my Grandma buy my Metropass because she has a handy advantage called "senior discount." There is a student discount, but I'm not in school/ a student right now. Consequently, I'm BRINGIN' OUT THE GRANDMA. Using a senior discount when I'm not a senior? Going against the system? YOU KNOW IT BRAH. Because I live on the EDGE like that. Because I'm a REBEL like that. Because YOU BETTER WATCH OUT. (You better not cry! You better not pout, I'm telling you why! Lalal. I don't care what people say, I freaking LOVE Christmas music.))



As I posted this, I remembered that a lovely woman photographed me in this outfit and BAM! I came across it. I don't know how I just remembered that I was photographed, because I'm fairly certain that it blasted my smile and my ego about 718 degrees higher that day. But then again, you know, I'm used to it. I'm like a celebrity. BOW TO ME BITCHEZ. (I kid you, I kid you! I will use my celebrity powers (i.e. being on, like, three blogs and a twitter) to merely date Joseph Gordon Levitt and adopt babies with trendy names.)

(Jumpsuit - Vintage $5, Blazer - Value Village $4, Denim Shirt - Mum's from the 90s, Bracelets - H&M, Shoes - Vintage $34, Headband - Value Village $3)

On a completely different note, I've recently been having a bit of money struggles. Not in the sense of lack of money - but in the contrary. I know it's ~tacky~ to talk about money, but I'm a ~tacky~ one, so I'm just going with what I got! Frankly, I'm a lucky girl. It's not like my family is farting dollar bills or throwing change in garbage cans (Daniel Meade, that means you! Ugly Betty reference that no one will get because that show ended, like, 6 years ago. Yup, I'm still obsessed). But, yes, I have been incredibly lucky growing up. My family isn't, like, ~loaded~, but I have been really fortunate to have really incredible opportunities - such as an amazing education and travel experience - that I know a lot of people don't have. And sometimes I feel guilty.

I'm working with people that are paying for their own rent, their own university tuition. While I'm obviously not going to be financially dependent on my parents for my entire existence, I know that they would be willing to help me out to ensure that I get the education or the opportunities I need for personal growth. And sometimes I feel guilty. My parents work hard. They both came from low class families and worked hard and continue to work hard to provide for me and my sister. But it's like, What did we do to deserve this? Why are people my age fighting for things like education or a home? Things that I've generally taken for granted? Why do I get this lifestyle? And sometimes I feel guilty.

I find myself trying to compensate for my fortunate upbringing by trying to help others. I try to volunteer or feed the homeless or do anything that I can do because I can do it. I can definitely attest to my parents for ingraining the value of money and the importance of helping others in my mind. But still. I work hard, and I will always work hard, but I also know that my parents are able to support my dreams - education, traveling - financially, which is a definite luxury and I feel incredibly lucky but also incredibly torn. Because WHY? Why do I deserve this?! Why do I get this luxury? And I know that I'm a good person and I'm not a spoiled brat and I don't take my things for granted, but I also know that I have and I've had a lot of things and opportunities and experiences that people my age simply don't have because $dollaz$ don't grow on trees.

I've always been aware of the discrepancy between our Western lifestyle and one in a developing country, but I'm also becoming more aware of the discrepancy between my own upbringing and that of many other youth. It's just this bizarre battle between gratitude and guilt, intertwined with questions of why?

That's all.

PHEW. This actually took a lot of time to write because my mind has been rumbling and mumbling and broiling and battling and I know that it's an uncomfortable or sensitive or controversial topic. I didn't know whether to post this. But guess what I did? Yeah, I posted it. Obviously. You are reading this. Duh!

THOUGHTS? What kind of financial upbringing did you have? How has it affected you?

Ahem, so until next time! (Let's be frank, WHO KNOWS WHEN THAT WILL BE?!) I hope you all have a really splendid day/ week/ life in the meantime! Hugs and kisses!